Who's the best girl?

Margaret is!

Today is Margaret's 1st birthday party. There will be chocolate cake, lasagna and family. We are all excited.

Before the petals fall...

Miss Georgia O'Keefe doin' what she do

I am so happy and so idle. The store is empty. So I will write. Why does writing always start with an empty space, empty room, empty page. I love Riley without complication and I love Margaret as an acolyte loves her priestess. I am learning about life through a prism of love and I recognize it is unfair. Where are the demons wrought by dysfunction and disappointment? Nothing to overcome but my own happiness. Maybe the demons spring after the anointed has recognized the blessing upon her head. The only darkness is my fear of it. I wake up sweating. Margaret is gone. Riley is without merit. The panic lasts until I shove Mr. Husband. Shove and his arm is around me and for that moment I have everything I could have ever wanted. A moment I can drink from when loss has made me thirsty. Double happiness for me.

Rainbow Face says Boo!

Halloween.

Katie presented "Tay and Riley as David Bowie: Then and Now".

Margaret was a friendly lion.

I wore Lipstick.

Pizza and candy and mariachi music.


Tay transforms into the god of androgyny

Adam Lambert eat your heart out.

Roar and Meow.

That lion is sitting on a NEW pair of jeans. Color me lucky.

Happy Halloween. Love Rainbow Face.

Make it Better

For the first 7 months of Zuzu's life she slept in a contraption called an Amby Baby Hammock (http://www.ambybaby.com/) It was the perfect fix for her acid reflux and one overly anxious mama. The Amby is a sleeping hammock that sways with the baby's tiniest fidget and holds them tightly in a cocoon of goodness. Riley and I used to sit and watch her sleep, not just because we loved her, but because we wished we had an Amby too. The jealousy was surprising. Let's just say that if you knew what it was like to fall asleep on a cloud while being sung to by butterflies, you would know what it was like to fall asleep in an Amby. Lucky little kid. Well as it seems must happen with most lovely things...the age of the Amby has had to come to an end. The Zuzumeister is growing up quickly and sadly one cannot be sung to sleep by butterflies forever. Yesterday while she played at my feet I took down the Amby and set up her crib. By all rights the crib should be appreciated as thoroughly as the hammock. It is solid wood (a real luxury in our little house), painted a fine distressed black and and topped with bedding sweet as cream. (http://www.littokids.com/magic_garden.html)

I didn't think the transition from cloud to crib would be very traumatic. Right. At nap time our little bug SCREAMED for 45 minutes before finally settling tightly into the corner of the crib. I spent the entire time sitting just outside her door (unseen) or rubbing her back as she sobbed into the sheets. It was awful. I was positive her first words would be found in the crying mess and that they would be of the four letter variety. Bed time was only a little better.

Today I kept her awake an hour past normal naptime, before I put her into the pack and play at my parent's house. She finally fell asleep after pulling her blanket over her face. Little broken hearted mama had to let her baby learn to cocoon herself. I realize now that my little babypi must have felt so vulnerable in her big new crib. Where was the cloud? Hello, I am missing some singing bugs! Anybody seen them? Everything was so much harder, so much bigger. I hate that at 7 months I am already having to strip her of bits of her childhood. I want her to stay on our cloud. I hope she knows I will always be just outside the door, that my heart breaks with hers, that I will always be good for a back rub, even if that is all I can give.

Zuzu misses Nana

So sometimes Riley twirls Zuzu until she pukes. She loves it.

Zuzu plays it cool

We tried to get Margaret to do something interesting. But she wasn't having it. At the end of the video I foolishly say that I can get her to laugh. I couldn't.

Here is 30 seconds of Riley's best attempts. (This will only be interesting to grandparents and people who own a dog named Ottie.)

Holy Fire

Cleaning the house to the angsty magic of Arcade Fire. Margaret is singing along with troll grunts and squeaks. Half inside the fridge trying to find THAT smell when suddenly I am breathless with happiness. Absolutely dizzy headed with the greatness of OUR lives. A more cynical person might chalk up the event to the surprisingly pungent power of a month old cucumber I found behind the milk. I know otherwise. Canadian alt rock is good, God is great and I am happy.

Oh, New Mexico

Last installment of pictures of a vacation we took a month ago. Yeah, sometimes I am not that all that on top of it.

On the way to Mesa Verde we squished in the car like sardines. I could only get half my face in the automobile. Riley and Jaimie were not so lucky.

The making of a troll photo

Us at the top of the catwalk. The water was freezing and full of little white boys.

Summer lovin' never felt so good.

Riley and I on the way to the rodeo. Ahhhh so sweet.

"hmmm, do you think I can get a pair of red ropers out of this old guy?" (yes, she can!)

Daniel loves the schming too!

This is a medium size childs hat and it fits her big ole' noggin. I was shocked too.

Grandma Kimmy and Zuzu Zimmy

The best little frozen custard stand stand in New Mexico. Oh Caliche's how I miss your frozen touch.

The travelin' troll

Margaret is my favorite toy. Some people need ipods on their vacations, others need constant internet access. Me? I just need a smiling, drooling, troll-like little person to do my bidding. Staging these traveling troll pictures was so much fun I plan on doing it into Margarets young adulthood, if not longer. You may be asking how I plan to hoist my fifteen year old daughter over my head at every monument and point of interest. It's simple...she ain't heavy, she's my Zuzu.

Margaret's face when we told her we were leaving on a roadtrip. The Zuzu loves the smell of gas stations and the sound of fuzzy midwest radio stations. But really, who doesn't?

700 year old cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde. Zuzu is nonplussed.

Once we arrived in New Mexico Margaret decided that she likes it hot. Her Daddy is rightfully concerned.

Nellie's is a Las Cruces institution known for it's red chile and floating babies. Talk about fusion cuisine!

I know what you are thinking, that yellow thing is the biggest baby catcher you have ever seen!

Sometimes we take my baby to bars. Sometimes.

We wanted a picture of Zuzu in front of a "Welcome to Texas" sign, so we drove into a town that makes Compton look quaint and then held my baby high up in the air. Yeah, we should totally be parents.

Because if she turns into a PETA baby my Dad's family won't love her. Pro hunting propaganda courtesy of my cousin Mike.

Ronald Reagan had his shoes shined here. I finally convinced Riley that rather than licking the shoe stand, a more fitting tribute might be to set his daughter precariously on the high set chair and then back away. He did, she almost fell, and it was worth it.

Bye till next time!!!

The Final Frontier

Last night Riley and I decided to treat ourselves and a couple friends to a night out at the movies. We bought 60 dollars in tickets for an eight o'clock movie and spent the day looking forward to our upcoming two hour education on all things Star Trek. I couldn't find a babysitter but was not too concerned about that as Margaret loves going to the movies. We saw Earth a couple of weeks ago and she sat up in my Mom's lap the entire time, eating her hands as she tried to lean into the movie screen. She must have sensed we are broke, that the tickets were a huge splurge and that it was time to let us know exactly who is boss. The movie started at 8:00 and the crying started at 8:02. Riley and I switched out our tickets for a gift card and spent the next two and a half hours in the nearby Target. We couldn't go home as we had given everyone a ride to the movies. It is amazing how interesting Target isn't. I walked Margaret up and down the toy aisle and pointed out all of the princess gear she would never be given as punishment for this night of tears. She just smiled. Actually, I felt bad for the little troll princess as I could tell she was in some sort of intense intestinal distress. I imagine I would be screaming too if it felt like my stomach was about to rip out of my butt. Halfway down the toy aisle I realized it won't be the first time we lose sixty dollars and a night out over her needs. The thought made me smile right along with her.

Here are just a few pictures for Nana and Auntie Lindsay.